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Jun. 23rd, 2013



So I'll start with the good new I got accepted into the nursing program!!!

So you would think some of my stress would have disappeared....wrong getting accepted just added about 100% more stressed.

The requirements to accept their acceptance into the program is way more complicated than they said in the meeting.  All of a sudden all of these mandatory requirements and fees are in this acceptance letter and I have until July 20th for some of them and August 10th for others. For example I have to pay them to accept their offer. WTF I paid to reapply to the university..I paid to take the test to get into the program...I paid to apply to the program and now I have to fucking pay another $50 to accept their offer.

Then in the meeting they said they suggest nursing students have health insurance since they are working in a hospital setting...but then the letter comes and it's a requirement. I don't have insurance and I have to quit my job to do this program so how am I suppose to afford health insurance. Tom awhile ago was going to put me on his insurance but it is so fucking expensive for him and on top of that he can't do it til November and I have to have insurance by the time school starts.  This would have been good to know in fucking May when I went to the meeting.

Next you have to be pre-certified for professional CPR which I understand why but again they didn't say anything about it in the meeting but BAM there it is in the acceptance packet and the price for that is $60 and I have to have that done by the August 10th. If they had told me in May I could have spaced all this money sucking requirements out so they weren't so stressful and they didn't take up so much of my money at once.

Next they require a drug test..again I understand why but the place they listed is $40 dollars for the test.  I mean come on $50 to accept, $60 for the cpr classes, $40 for the drug test...that's $150 more right there and that's not including.........

The uniform and equipment required...I have to spend a small fortune for these things and that's before books.  I knew that one so it wasn't shocking my problem is they don't tell you the materials you need, they just give you this order form from a website they use with medical supplies but they don't tell you what you will and wont need.  Plus they said they require a specific type of stethoscope but don't tell you which one.

Then there are the books I'll need which are soooo fucking expensive  *sigh*

On top of all that I have to get my license by September and that stresses me out. Even thinking about taking the road test makes me start to panic.  Why cant I just get a license without the road test lol. I can drive, driving in its own right isn't horrible and I'm a good driver according to those I have driven with...it's the test that freaks me out.

Then the one thing I was looking forward to has now become something that just seems like it is going to be even more stress.  I was looking forward to going to Kentucky because I loved it last year it's so beautiful and its a great place to relax. It would have been an excellent vacation before the stress of nursing school for 2 years straight with no vacations.  But then I find out Tom's Aunt Judy wants to stay with us..she's 70 and bossy as all hell and I just don't feel comfortable with her around. So I'm going to feel awkward the whole time we are in the cabin if she does stay with us. Tom doesn't want her to stay with us but his solution to this is to pack our cabin so she can't stay with us...which fucking suck. Because that means there will be 3-4 people in our room alone.  I don't sleep well when people are in a room with me...hell it took me forever to get used to sleeping with Tom in a room with me.  Then if one of these people snores or talks in their sleep or moves around a lot and makes a lot of noise I'm fucking screwed because I'm a light sleeper especially when I'm seeping in a room with different people. Tom is all "the more people we have the less it will cost" and believe me with my money issues right now I more than understand that, but I also don't want my vacation to be a stressful, sleepless experience especially since it's the last time I get to go til I'm done with nursing school. Last year there were four people total in our cabin 2 in each room and it did NOT cost that much so I don't see what the big deal is. He just needs to tell his Aunt Judy no. I mean our cabin is the younger generation cabin all of us are in our late 20's early 30's we stay up later and we drink. We don't want to have to walk around on eggshells and cater to an older person who is high maintenance.  

But even with or without his Aunt Judy we will more than likely have 3-4 people in our room because Tom wants it that way.  It will more than likely be his brother Mike and if Mike brings his friend Teresa it will be Teresa too.  Which will be awkward on top of being inconvenient in terms of getting some sleep.

I just don't want to share our room, we are a couple and if someone is in our room with us I just don't feel we can be ourselves and coupley (and no I don't mean just sex wise)  I mean we usually talk in bed before we go to sleep and we are very coupley before bed with cuddles and kissing and I just feel like we won't be able to do that with someone else in the room with us and that sucks because vacations are supposed to be enjoyable.

Tom just doesn't see it from my point of view because he's never gone to this reunion/vacation with anyone before me so he had always gone as a individual, so if there are other people in his room he doesn't care...especially since they are his family... of course you're comfortable they're your family. I like them and generally get along with them but I'm not comfortable enough to sleep in rooms with them..I'm just a private person I don't like to share my personal space and when I'm on a vacation usually my room is at least my space. And on this vacation of all vacations where I am around Toms entire family the whole time my room at night with Tom is the one place I get to be completely relaxed and myself. Not that I'm not myself around his family I'm just a slightly quieter, less goofy version of me.  Because this is his WHOLE I'm normal around his mom and dad but with the rest of them it's intimidating... there are a ton of them and they are sooo fucking loud and boisterous and that's just not what I'm used to so I enjoy the break every night in our room and this year I won't get that.


I'm just sooooo fucking stressed out I can't even sleep much anymore because I'll fall asleep and then I wake up shortly after stressing about everything and then I can't fall back asleep. I wish i could just stop time and have a couple days where I can just relax and not have to go to work or think about any of this.

Sorry this journal has become such a downer it is really the only place I have to turn to because most (most not all if I have seen you in the last 2 weeks you are NOT included in this statement so don't freak out ) of my friends in real life are pretty busy and a lot of them don't really make time for me and talking to Tom is pointless because he just tells me not to stress out because there is no reason, he has money and we will figure everything else out, but that is not helpful so I just try and hide it and let myself freak out internally. So this is my outlet, after I make a post I can usually relax for a couple hours.

Jan. 6th, 2013

D/L finale

(no subject)

Lately I’ve been thinking about if I could go back a couple years and talk to me at that time. Because I’m so different now, so completely different.  

Me a couple years ago had no interest in dating, was obsessed with TV, watching more than 30hrs of primetime tv a week, read fanfiction every second I wasn’t watching tv or in class, had a group of extremely close friends I saw at least once a week, and hardly ever got bored because of the things listed.

Then there is me today, I've been in a relationship for over a year with the most amazing guy in the world, my interest in TV has waned I attempt to watch hours of tv in a row and I get bored.  I still read fanfiction but nowhere near as much, possibly because I don’t love my TV shows as much anymore. I don’t even speak to one of those friends anymore and the other 3 I see sporadically, and I get bored a lot.

I wonder what that me would think about this me… I would guess she would be shocked about the relationship, since besides not being interested in one I was petrified of them and ran from any guy I was remotely interested in.

She probably would be horrified about the TV/Fanfiction because I loved both of those things so much, and they consumed so much of my life back then.

She would probably be heartbroken about the friends, or in disbelief. I’m still heartbroken about it so she probably wouldn’t believe it especially since we were so close.  

But you see the thing is I wouldn’t want her to change anything. I thought I’d want her to change the lost friend thing. But then I realized I wouldn’t be me without that and I might have never got here. And even though I hate that I’m not friends with that friend anymore,  I don’t get to see my friends as often and I’m bored a lot, I wouldn’t change now because I might not have some of the things I have now especially that amazing boyfriend

That changes though because sometimes I’d give anything to be able to go back to that time because I was so happy back then. Its not that I’m unhappy now, its just that I don’t get to be surrounded by those things that make me happy as often. And the amount of things that makes me happy is smaller.

And plus some days I don’t recognize myself because I have strayed so far from the Ashley of a few years ago. I have changed so much in the last year alone that sometimes when I stop and think about it I can’t see the me I was and thats a little disconcerting.

Truth is while a lot of people especially family members are happy I’m different now, I do miss the old me sometimes. Usually when I’m sitting alone bored out of my mind and wishing for the days when I could easily amuse myself. Or when I’m reacting out of character for the old me and it frustrates me that I don’t react the same

I just wish I could take back some of her qualities, like her love of being alone, not needing anyone to make her happy, and her ability to entertain herself. Then mix those with the new me. I just don’t know how to get any of her back and it kind of makes me a little sad.

May. 11th, 2012

Klaine Kliss

Holy Crap Guys I haven't updated in forever!!!

Hey LJ friends :)

It's been a loooong time almost a year lol and so much has changed....so much.

Biggest change you know that cliff I was afraid to jump off of with that guy I loved....well I jumped and we caught each other. I've never been happier in my life so it was the right choice.  We've been together 7 months on the 15th of this month. He is one of my favorite people in the world and we just fit well together. He understands me in ways no one else does, for example if I was in a room of my friends and something happened my friends might say that I thought a certain way because that's what I've shown them of me...but Tom sitting in that same room would know the actual truth about how I thought or felt. He sees through a lot of my barriers...it sort of creepy lol.  Its amazing though because I know I can be 100% me and he still loves me at the end of the day. If I'm having a bad day I can bitch at him for hours and he never holds it against me. He sometimes tries to point out the opposite side when I'm angry and I just glare at him like "not now jackass, now you just listen to me bitch later when smoke is not coming out of my ears that's when you point out the other side" lol

I am actually extremely grateful we waited so long to start dating though, because we didn't have any of that awkward getting to know you even though we are already dating stuff. Because by the time we got together I had known him for over a year and been friends with him for 10 months, so we knew each other already.  Yes there was and is new stuff to learn but now those are just side things. Before we got together we knew who the other person was and is and we both knew that we would fit into each others lives without having to try and change significant parts of ourselves that make us who we are as an individual. The way you see many people do nowadays when they get into relationships.  He's amazing, He treats me like I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him, hell the other night he told me I was the best thing that's ever happened to him. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me too.

I'm moving in with him in July. I know big step, but we are ready. As he joked the other day I basically live there now anyway, any time either of us has a day off work we are together. I'm a little nervous because it's moving in with someone. Not just a friend but a significant other. I've always liked having my space and my things and my room. And now it's going to be our space...stuff will still be mine but it will be in our room, in our house and that's just crazy to me lol. But I'm soooo excited, I wish it was July now :D

Work news:
I got a new job in October too, I work at Toys R Us as a stock person/backup cashier/ apparel person. It started as stocking midnights over season which was killer, and yet I miss it lol. I miss not having anyone in the store when I worked...and I miss the $ since I had a crap ton of hours. But I don't miss the staying up all night, sleeping all day, always being tired, never seeing my friends and family. There actually isn't much to say about the job other than I have it, I enjoy it, things are good there :) I've also lost almost 50 pounds from working here. Because I'm constantly moving and lifting boxes. That and I stopped eating because I was bored and I stopped drinking pop again.

School news:
I had to take the winter semester off due to financial issues, but I'm starrted spring classes last Monday. I'm taking 2 classes Monday/Tuesday/Thursdays from 12:30pm-2:20pm. I have a couple more classes to get done and then I can graduate with a "Frankenstein" degree. Since I've taken so many classes but not graduated yet they will create a degree for me so I can graduate and then go right back into school to finish my nursing degree. They are doing that because I no longer am eligible for financial aid because I've taken too many credit hours toward my major.  But when I come back the hours will be wiped clean and I will get financial aid. Plus I will be getting my 2nd bachelors and that program is easier to get into and the program gets cut from 3years to 2 so yay.

Thats it for now I guess. I'm tired and want to get some sleep. I can't promise I'll update very regularly...because I know I won't. I barely go online anymore sine 90% of my free time is spent with Tom. But that will change come July too since we will be living together our time together won't be so rare that we spend all of it together lol. But I will try to update before a year maybe after I move in lol.

Apr. 22nd, 2011


Glee doesn't make me so happy

Ok so I'm ranting again but this is on a TV show so therefore I do not count it in the long string of Ashley's LJ has turned into a bitch fest lol.


Let the ranting commenceCollapse )
Tags: ,

Apr. 17th, 2011


Things I Hate

You know what I hate when people say ignorant shit like "well you can't fight how you're raised" in regards to being a complete dickhead racist. Because yes you can it's called growing up and forming your own opinions. Become your own person not a clone of your parents. This happened tonight I've been spending the weekend with my friend Miranda because her husband went out of town and she has a 6 week old. Well we were at her moms house and her cousin Shelby and Shelby's boyfriend Bryan came over. Well Bryan is racist which I didnt know before tonight because he seems like a really nice guy and not an asshole, but then I saw the inside of his phone and the screen is the confederate flag and then he said something and Miranda looked at me and said in case you didnt realize Bryan is kind of racist and i know you have an issue with that since you give Randy (her husband) crap when he says stuff like that. and I was like yeah i saw the inside of his phone and almost said something but I didnt want to start something with some dude I barely know and thats when Miranda said that.

But people fight how they were raised all the damn time if they didn't you would never hear about those couples where the white person (usually a girl) goes against their family and falls in love with a black person, the whole time knowing their family will disown them. BUT the person used their own brains and judged the world with their own eyes and mind and didn't mindlessly believe what everyone told them to believe. You can substitute any combination of races in there and its has probably happened too.

Now I personally think you are a fucking douche bag if you are racist because hating someone for the color of their skin is the stupidest fucking reason in the world, to me it's like deciding tomorrow I'm going to hate everyone with blue eyes because the color of your skin is genetic and has nothing to do with who you are the same with eye color.  But what i hate even more than a racist is a racist who hides behind someone else like their family. If you are going to be a racist then be a fucking racist don't be like well my mommy and daddy raised me this way...because last I checked you have your own brain...obviously a small one but you have one. And I know some people are like well you hate racist people and I'm like damn right I do because you're ignorant and I don't want to waste my time on someone who thinks that way...I have a reason that does not involve the pigment of someones skin.

I also really hate when someone thought one way and then they started dating or married someone who thought the other way and all of a sudden they can "see why they feel that way".  Now I'll never date someone who says shit Randy or Bryan says because I'd fight with them all the time. But lets say I marry into a family where my husband is not racist but his family is, I'm not going to see how they feel that way and I'm not going to let my significant other get away with saying racist shit.  Ive known Miranda her whole fucking life and she never said anything remotely racist but her husband says something and shes like "oh well". HELL NO not oh well because he's going to teach your kids that garbage and you know "you cant fight how you were raised" *rolls eyes*

It really makes me laugh w/ Miranda saying that too because she was raised Jehovah's Witness and she completely went against it married a Baptist, had sex before marriage,  drank before she was legal, has smoked pot and hates that whole religion and talks about how its ridiculous and blah blah blah.....her family is still hard core witnesses...so did she not go against how she was raised.

People just piss me off lol. I know I said I'd try and have my next post be happy but I needed to vent because it's been bugging me since like midnight and i still have to spend tomorrow with Miranda. I have a separate bitch about Miranda but I think I'll save that for tomorrow night or Mondayish lol

And if you are racists I do not apologize for this post, and I really don't need to hear from you about how I'm wrong because you wont change the fact that I am well aware you are an ignorant asshole :-D so have a nice day

Jan. 21st, 2011

M/G Alaska

be warned highly emotional bitching ahead

so yeah I never got around to finishing the rest of the 30 day things....i will soonish hopefully but right now i just need to bitch so feel free to skip this its just this is the one place i can go to that my family can't read and i dont feel like im irritating anyone because it doesn't go to anyone's phone or whatever.

But seriously im so fucking annoyed right now i dont know why i even attempt to come home to my moms house anymore.  I brought home my brand new mini laptop because i have homework due and its impossible to get on a computer at my moms house.  Now i just got a new desktop my brother built it for me and i love it and its the computer i prefer to use. but im a college student and i figured it was logical to have a laptop so im not relying on someone elses computer when im not at my apartment. Now i bought this laptop with my own money I worked from 9-6 basically every day for two weeks and now have a job m/t/th for the rest of the semester. I have this on top of 5 classes and a lab. I dont have bills i pay for my apartment with my financial aid and my mom pays the 10 bucks a month so i have a cell phone. So basically all the money i make is mine to do with what i want i buy groceries or save it or whatever. But i just dont see what the big deal is with me buying a 300 dollar laptop  when its helping me with school work and im going to get my 300 dollars out of it. 

But oh no no no its a HUGE fucking deal to my older sister and mother. i just dont get it its my fucking money mine not yours i dont make comments about the stupid shit you guys blow money on or the fact that my older sister hoards her money away and plays the woe is me im so broke even though i have over 8000 in the bank card.  I dont say anything to her about how she lets our mother support her and her two kids and all she pays is the renters insurance and groceries but what she buys doesnt even count since she only buys food for herself and her kids/boyfriend. and her boyfriend pays only 250 a month and that doesnt even cover the increase in rent my mom got from having to find a house big enough to fit all of them after Amber couldnt get her own house.

But i swear to God I can not do anything right where my mother is concerned it is so infuriating and i'd like to be like im done trying but there is always going to be a part of me that wants her to realize i exist as something more than just the kid shes always irritated with. and the thing is i just dont get it I'm in college, i live on my own, i dont ask her for money for anything the only thing i rely on her for is my phone bill and she want me to have the phone so she has a way to get ahold of me and so im not phoneless, I come home to her house to see her even though i have no room or bed here and barely get any sleep and am miserable the whole fucking time im here, but i come home paste a smile on my face for her so she can see me because heaven forbid i go to my dads house where i live during the summer where i have a room and things and can sleep because i dont have people up until 1 am and then awake at 5 not caring if they wake me up even though its not like i want to be sleeping on the fucking couch.

if you were to ask my mom though i ALWAYS go to my dads always which is fucking bull shit and i finally said that to her last weekend. Im almost always am at my moms because im like if i go to dads mom is gonna be pissed. so i come here and within minutes my whole mindset changes im angry and irritated and miserable and easily annoyed and just unhappy. I really think its almost impossible to be happy here since every person who lives in this house is a miserable person. I hate feeling like that too i mean in every day life am i easily irritated yeah but its not the same because at my moms home its a infuriated irritation where it consumes me and  all of a sudden im back to being a teenager stuck in her house wanting nothing more then to get out to my dads where for once id be happy and free with the parent who understands im my own person and deserve to make my own choices and not be ridiculed for them. 

Hell my dad is the one who drove me to pick up my laptop he thought it was a good idea. He lets me be me and he loves me for it but more importantly he likes me for it he doesnt make me feel bad for anything, he doesnt try and tell me what i can and cant do with my own property, he doesnt make me feel like a horrible person if i dont spend time with him, he understand that when im home for a weekend from college i have friends from back home that would like to see me too. My mom only wants me to sit at home and do nothing, it doesnt matter if shes at work and im in the house alone or shes in the backroom smoking and we arent even speaking if i even think about seeing a friend going to their house or having them over she flips the fuck out and is like i dont bring you home to see your friends if you want to come home for your friends have them come pick you up. My dad i just have to ask him if he can drive me somewhere to see a friend and if he isnt busy he does it without saying anything about him coming to get me. and yet my mom wonders why im a daddy's girl, why i prefer spending time with him 98% of the time. I'm free and happy when im with my dad. I'm a caged miserable angry bird when im at my moms and the worst part is thats the way she wants me.

I just need to get some sleep make it through to saturday night and maybe go to my dads for the night or find a way home to Ypsi. Im exhausted mentaly, physically and emotionally right now. Im not even going to get a honest day to relax this weekend unless i find a way home saturday. I just need some me time i havent had any in awhile because i dont count sitting alone at work me time because i cant just relax and vege or do whatever i want at work lol.  now if only my sister and her stupid bf would go to bed so i could get to bed i seriously feel like if i were in my bed in ypsi or even my bed at my dads i could sleep this whole weeked away and id be better off for it. But im home for my nieces they made it to state sin cheerleading and they wanted me there and im an amazing aunt so i said id go knowing what i was probably gonna have to deal with. and i also have to come home next weekend too cuz its my nece Haileys 6th bithday party. Its bad ive been thinking of faking having the flu so that i can say i shouldnt come home and get everyone sick.

*sigh*  Im sorry for all the bitching and moanign to any of you who actually wasted your time reading this. I think thye are all in be now so im going to attempt to get some sleep.  I really will try to update more but my laid back semester became a super busy one and i cant promise anything. which is crazy because if i wasnt in such a bad mood and wasnt so tired i would have so many amazing things to write about and so many different little updates about my life and you know i may need to make time to write those because id like to talk about some of those things especially some of the things that make me reall happy and take the sting out of weekends like this.

well goodnight all my friends who were brave enough...crazy enough..amazing enough to fully read this. I hope youre having a better time than i am right now :) sorry for all the spelling/grammatical errors im too tired to attempt fixing them right now

Jan. 1st, 2011


30 days of CSI:NY the rest

Day 01 - 30 Days of...
Day 02 - An episode you would use to get people hooked
Day 03 - Favourite comedy episode/Most funny episode

Day 04 - Favourite Running Gag
Day 05 - An episode you hate
Day 06 - Favorite episode
Day 07 - Least favorite episode
Day 08 - OMG WTF?! moment
Day 09 - Best scene ever
Day 10 - A episode you thought you wouldn’t like but ended up loving
Day 11 - A episode that disappointed you
Day 12 - An episode you’ve watched more than 5 times
Day 13 - Favorite multi-part episode
Day 14 - Favorite male character
Day 15 - Favorite female character
Day 16 - Your guilty pleasure episode
Day 17 - Favorite Season story arc
Day 18 - Favorite title sequence
Day 19 - Best guest star

Day 20 - Favorite kiss
Day 21 - Favorite ship
Day 22 - Favorite season finale
Day 23 - Most annoying character

Day 24 - Best quote
Day 25 - An episode you never tire of
Day 26 - OMG WTF? Season finale
Day 27 - Best season opener
Day 28 - What drew you in?
Day 29 - What parts did you dread?
Day 30 - Saddest character death

Day 24- I'm gonna cheat because I can it's my LJ and I have a couple quotes that need to be posted :P lol

come on I'd marry a guy if he said that to me *sigh*

all of these are awesome D/L moments but the quote I'm referring to is at 3:30ish shes such an amazing wife..I want a wife like her..wait a husband like her??? ummm yeah even though that just seems weird. Ok no I'd go gay for Lindsay so I would take her as my wife lol

there are more but I can't find the videos or the quotes and I need to get ready to see my friends lol

Day 25- Snow Day it's my go to episode cause like i stated before even the parts that arent D/L I liked. But there are a bunch of episodes I could go to and watch the D/L scenes and fast forward throught he rest lol and never get tired of the scenes ;)

Day 26- This last season finale because it was so D/L/L focused and where a big part of me knew they couldn't kill any of them i was still like WTF I need it to be September!!!

Day 27- hmmm I really liked this season opener because we solved the cliffhanger but my favorite is last season beacuse we got to see who was shot, we got strong supportive loving wife Lindsay who is awesome and I really enjoyed it. I have seriously watched all those D/L scenes about 100 times and no I'm really not exaggerating I watched them at least 3 times a day for like over a month lol

Day 28- to the show? Um in all honesty it was an accident I didnt plan to watch it then one Wednesday my mom watched criminal minds and we were too lazy to change the channel and then bam I was addicted. What keeps me coming back D/L D/L/L and just Lindsay lol

Day 29- This seems to me like a very strange question how did i know to dread something before I even watched it? But in my case since I went back to catch up I dreaded the whole first season w/ no Lindsay, then season 4 when Danny became an absolute dick wad and I wanted Lindsay to beat his ass like the Montana girl she is, And now I dread the fact that we have not had any D/L since like the 2nd episode of this season it's fucking ridiculous >:(

Day 30- umm I'm such a heartless person sometimes because the obvious answers are Aiden or Angell and in all honesty I didn't care if they lived or died so they werent sad for me at all it was more the reactions of the other characters that made them sad. The episode that makes me choke up the most is when Danny's brother get's beat up but we never find out if he lived or not so i have no clue if he's dead lol Other than that I know there were some cases where the victim that died was sad but I can't remember those exactly right now lol

Dec. 30th, 2010


Tv show meme the rest finally

Ok the plan is to finish one of these 30 day things a day cuz I have a 60 day Finchel one I really want to do even though I'm HORRIBLE at doing these anymore lol

Day 01 - A show that should have never been canceled
Day 02 - A show that you wish more people were watching

Day 03 - Your favorite new show ( aired this t.v season)
Day 04 - Your favorite show ever
Day 05 - A show you hate
Day 06 - Favorite episode of your favorite t.v show
Day 07 - Least favorite episode of your favorite t.v show
Day 08 - A show everyone should watch
Day 09 - Best scene ever
Day 10 - A show you thought you wouldn’t like but ended up loving
Day 11 - A show that disappointed you
Day 12 - An episode you’ve watched more than 5 times
Day 13 - Favorite childhood show
Day 14 - Favorite male character
Day 15 - Favorite female character
Day 16 - Your guilty pleasure show
Day 17 - Favorite mini series
Day 18 - Favorite title sequence
Day 19 - Best t.v show cast

Day 20 - Favorite kiss
Day 21 - Favorite ship
Day 22 - Favorite series finale
Day 23 - Most annoying character

Day 24 - Best quote
Day 25 - A show you plan on watching (old or new)
Day 26 - OMG WTF? Season finale
Day 27 - Best pilot episode
Day 28 - First t.v show obsession
Day 29 - Current t.v show obsession
Day 30 - Saddest character death

Day 24- I'm gonna go with something funny because I could easily pull out romantic and sappy but I'm gonna go funny lol and there is no one better for funny lines than Brittany on Glee here is just one of them lol and here is a link to 19 more lol www.ew.com/ew/gallery/0,,20361194_20429636,00.html

Day 25- I eventually plan on watching Bones and Dexter. Bones because my best friend watche dit and a;ways wants to talk about it but I'm like Shannon I don't watch it lol. Dexter because my friend Miranda watches it and so does my Momma. Besides that they both look really go I just didn't watch bones when it came out and I don't have the channel Dexter is on.

Day 26- I'm going to plead the 5th on this one because I can't think of one and I honestly don't care to try right now lol sorry

Day 27- Roswell for sure like I've said before I never even wanted to watch the show and the pilot hooked me I was a goner lol. It was just a perfect set up to the show you really got a sense of who the characters were and what the show was going to be about in that one hour.

Day 28- Roswell again. I was not obsessive about TV until Roswell came along yeah I watched tv and cheered on couples. But it wasnt til Roswell that I became crazy obsessed and started reading fanfics and watching fanvids and putting myself to sleep by creating storylines for my couples lol. Roswell turned me into the crazy fangirl I am today. I sometimes wonder how I would have been without Roswell because I wouldnt be so TV obsessed...but I like being addicted to TV it's better than being addicted to drug lol ;)

Day 29- Glee for sure it was a show I didnt watch then a show I caught up on and now it's an obsession I literally am finally speeding through these long overdue 30 day memes to get to a 60 day meme for Finchel which I'm behind on because it was suppose to take us through the 60 day hiatus from the show lol. But this obsession has just gotten worse and worse as it's gone on lol I literally yell and throw rubber ducks when things don't go my way (ask my suitemate Kelly who is just glad I didn't whip the fork that was in front of me lmfao) I love it sometime it infuriates me and sometime I'm like wtf come on that's ridiculous and some of the characters i HATE (funny side note since I last picked Kurt as the character I hate I've found a new appreciation for him he's still not my favorite but I no longer hate him lol) Some of the characters I love, some of them I loved and now want to punch in the face 90% of the time *cough* Will *cough* Finn *Cough* One i love no matter what she does lol. Plus I love the music I actually got a wii for xmas just so I could get the glee karaoke game for it lol...told you obsessed

Day 30- Alex Whitman on Roswell. I bawled my eyes out I was literally depressed for days after someone asked me about it the next day in class and I teared up and couldn't talk about it lol. It was just unnecessary and actually made Roswell worse. I hate the time after Alex's death because it ruined everything Max was a Douche-a-saurus Rex, Izzie ended up with Jesse who was booooooooring, Tess and Max hooked up *barf* It was just a bad move on the writers part. Plus Alex was one of my favorites I want a guy best friend like him he's so sweet and charming and lovable and it was just sad. I was recently rewatching Roswell and I stopped right before he died and haven't picked up watching it again because its so sad to watch lol.

Dec. 6th, 2010


Self Defense

So I've been taking a self defense class this semester and tonight was our simulation where we actually get attacked and have to fight off the guys. I was freaking out so bad before the simulation because its just a scary thing to walk into. Plus I'm prone to panic/anxiety attacks I'm even on meds for them and I was so worried I'd have one tonight.

I have to say it was one of the most intense experiences of my life. It's a frightening things to walk down a hallway and have 6-7 guys come grab at you at different times. There was a series of three simulations. In the first one you are walking by and all of a sudden 1-2 guys come up to you and start taunting you then one grabs your arm. In this situation you have to break their hold and run. Now this happened numerous times as you went down the hallway. We had to hammer punch, strike, and kick the guys. I made it to the end of the hallway on that one and while it was intense you have all this adrenaline coursing through your system and it wasn't that horrible.

The second simulation is you are facing away from the guys like you were at an ATM and then three one from every direction get really close to you and start saying things. Finally one of them grabs you and you proceed to fight them off and take off down the hallway. As you go down the hall way you run into more groups of the guys you have to fight off. The one guy I punched so hard straight in his face that after it was done he told me he could definitely feel that even through his mask lol. Then the one guy Tom he's one of the instructors from the every Monday class, I could tell it was him and he just kept coming at me so I finally kept punching him in the head and yelled get away from me Tom lol (he was surprised I knew it was him and at the end was laughing that I addressed him by name). Towards the end of this one I tripped and fell but luckily it was at the very end. By this point I was exhausted I was breathing so heavy and I was dizzy as hell. But when they asked if I wanted a break I just wanted to get it over with.

The last simulation was the worst for me. You had to face away from the guy and close your eyes. We weren't allowed to react or open our eyes until they touched us. Having your eyes closed not being able to see what is about to happen with about 5 guys around you whispering creepy shit liker "I like your heavy breathing it's so sexy" is frightening as all hell. Plus the guy behind you grabbed you and actually takes you down to the ground, which I never expected because we weren't warned about it. I got all the way to the guy before the last when I felt like I was about to loose it I was just exhausted emotionally and physically. My teacher I think realized it and called off the simulation. All the girls came over and took off my pads because I was freaking out, I could barely breathe, I was shaking all over, and my teacher made me sit down against the wall. My teacher was telling me how proud she was of me and how she didn't see my anxiety at all. She was like you can have an episode now it's fine and with that I started crying. Tom came down took off his mask and was telling me I did awesome and then sat there as I cried and helped me up when I was ready.

I couldn't stop shaking for almost an hour after it was over and I still cant breathe normally I'm wheezing and coughing and my throat and lungs are killing me and it's been almost 3 hours since I did it. But I'm so proud of myself because I did it I got all of those guys off of me. I punched and kicked with everything in me and held off my panic and breakdown til the very end. 

It was a very empowering class because now when I walk outside at night I don't have this overwhelming fear because now I know I have some tools to defend myself. Are they for sure going to save me...no but I'm not helpless if you are going to attack me you are going to get one hell of a fight. 

I recommend taking a class like this. This class is taught across the country its called Rape Aggression Defense system (R.A.D). They break it up into women and men so women have a class with just other women the instructor may be male though. We had a female head instructor and male main assistant and three female assistance that rotated in and out. For anyone like me who has felt weak or even for someone who thinks they are the biggest badass in the world this class will help you for sure.

Dec. 2nd, 2010


what's new?

Ok so I've been horrible at updating my LJ lately. I still haven't finished my 30 day memes and it's been like 4 months lol hopefully I'll find the itme over break. Its just that this semester has been hella stressful and time consuming and when I get a free afternoon I want to go do something of catch up on tv shows or fanfiction so I don't come update. 

I've been spending a lot of time with my friend Heather and her 10 month old Caden or Mister Man as I call him :) I was just recently upgraded from Ashie to Aunt Ashie <3 I love them both so much and love spending time with them. Before if someone were to ask me to do something on a day when one of my shows was on I'd say no way but they call and I'm like sure lol He is the best baby ever and he's so happy and loving. Heather is such an amazing mommy if you would have asked me in high school or shortly after I never would have pegged her as the mommy type but she's amazing with him.

I've been Christmas shopping I have all my friends and most of the girls of my family done. I still need to get my dad and brothers something . I also need to get a memory foam pillow for my mom. Then there is my godmother and grandma. Why are people so hard to shop for??? I'm really hoping everyone likes what I got them since I went on my own thoughts not off of what anyone asked for. Now I need to go to the dollar store and see if they have cute little Christmas boxes or bags for everyone.  I got most of my presents for people online and I'm worried some of it wont get here on time :-/ if that happens IDK what I'll do.

I know some of what I'm getting for Christmas. I got a Wii (now I need the glee game for Wii), I got a Harry Potter hoodie and shirt, I got the new Nicholas Sparks book Safe Haven, I got an electric griddle, a ninja (blender/food processor thingy), and dear john on dvd. Oh and Caden and Heather are getting me the Glee board game...be prepared to play it with me Kelly :D

I also got awesome news this week my wifey/ best friend from camp Stacy is coming to Eastern this semester instead of next fall!! I'm so excited because I miss her like crazy and now I'll be able to see her when she's on campus <3

Well that's about it for now I'll try to come on here more often since the semester is almost over...and hopefully the next one wont be so stressfull.

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